went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize