Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(705): View more from Ontario

I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.

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(512): View more from Texas

you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.

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(319): View more from Iowa

I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women

(319): View more from Iowa

I wish I had your problem

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(516): View more from New York

Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"

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(909): View more from California

I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...

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(209): View more from California

A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone

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(845): View more from New York

my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.

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