Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
