Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize