that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
