there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
