Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
