threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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