i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
