She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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