The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
