Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
