don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I wish there were birth control emojis
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My dick has a subreddit
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
