last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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