you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
