Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
