i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
