who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
This house was built for laser tag.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
