I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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