I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
