get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
