FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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