I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
