I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
