DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
