Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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