I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
