i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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