I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
