Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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