he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
