I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
