If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
