just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
