i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
