420 ftw
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
