I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
