Old men and throwing up are my life now.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
