I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
