Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
