im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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