drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
