just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
