I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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