Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
