Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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