Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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