Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Girls should come with a carfax report
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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