and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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