So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
