You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
