Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
