He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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