i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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