I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
