just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
