Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wish you could order shots online.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize