So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
