Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think your dad took our porno
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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