Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
