everyone is single if you try hard enough
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
