thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
