it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
