i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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