I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
