it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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