I want to walk on stilts...naked
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
