You're so nebulous sometimes
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
