I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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