I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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